I am very ready for my vacation.
Yesterday was not a good day. I came in early to help set up for a program with the Sesame Street Live performers who are in town this week. Due to weird commuication on all sides, we had a HUGE crowd and very little program. They didn’t have much planned. I didn’t have ANYTHING planned because I though they were going to be doing more than they did. The kids were given the opportunity to come up and hug one of the costumed characters and the character got up and left before all the kids got their hugs. This left us with a remnant of upset kids and ANGRY parents. So we dealt with that. And continue to deal with it. Now they are giving us some gifts to assuage people. So I have to try and find the people who have obviously decided to wash their hands of the entire thing and try to make this up to them with a gift.
AARRGGHH!
I’m just tired of the whole thing right now. Maybe it’s hormones, but I find myself having to stop myself (unsuccessfully on occasion) from being sarcastic and snarky. I guess I’m just tired of being tolerant and GOOD. Little things are getting on my nerves. Like our one library aide, who is in his 30’s, lives at home with his parents in their $500,000 house and tells me EVERY DAY about the home theater system they are installing for him. I know he’s got special needs and will probably never be fiscally or socially competent enough to live on his own or have an adult relationship. I know it’s part of his personality thing to go on and on about the subjects that interest him, that he’s just looking for approval and interest in other people. But why do I have to smile and feign interest when what I want to say is, “Look, buddy, some of us don’t get to live rent free with our parents for the rest of our lives and spend our salaries on making ourselves happy. Some of us have to use the money we earn to pay for medical bills and power and water and getting the car fixed. So, while I’m very happy that you are solving the monumental problem of getting all 500,000 of your electronic devices on a universal remote, I’d really appreciate it if you NEVER MENTION IT AGAIN, EVER.”
It’s sick really. I’m eaten up with envy for his blithe disregard for socially appropriate behavior. I’d love to go through life saying what I want to say and not noticing that I’m driving people right around the bend. I want to be boring and rude and obvious and not care about it. It’s like Flowers for Algernon, too smart to enjoy it, but the impulses are still there.
So I try to be nice, and self censor and HATE myself when I can see I’ve said or done the wrong thing.
Maybe I should go on retreat and take a vow of silence.
Enough for now.