It’s as hot as Satan’s jockstrap in here today. This is not doing much to improve my mood (mildly cranky). We have the fans on blowing on us while we sit at the Circ Desk and try not to move too much. At least we’re closed tomorrow. A beach trip has been proposed. We’ll see how the weather holds up.
Author: Jennifer Kuntz
Focused on reading, making, learning and sharing. Professional information peddler.
GS LEADER of DOOM
Suffice it to say the GS trip was pretty rough. The leaders are all tired of the girls (not just me). The age gap between our Brownies (kiddy garten) and Juniors (mostly 11 going on 30) becomes more and more apparent. The kids feel compelled to come on the camping trip even when they aren’t excited about camping just because it’s something the troop is doing, so they vacillate bewteen being bored, hyper and fighting with each other all weekend. Add all that to substantial amounts of hormones and it was a very tense trip. Good thing Tiernen was there or I’m sure I would have done someone an injury.
So, I’m trying to NICELY get out of being involved with them next year. I said they could keep me on as a consultant, but with Phil coming back to work, I’d have to work more evenings, so I didn’t want them counting on me to be there and then having to back out because of work issues. But…they…keep…trying..to…pull…me…back…in *gasp* I’m TRYING to say “no”. Honestly.
On the home front, cleaning and trying to get some summer projects done.
More work-waugh!
So I talked to the big boss yesterday about the work situation re: Phil coming back and etc. She’s in favor of trying to boost my hours at work, but I have to do an analysis of the position and a Power Point presentation for the Big Big boss to justify why we want to make the changes we do. *sigh*
I understand the need for it, but adding extra work to make you justify your exisitence is a bit much.
It’s dark
I’m working late tonight to cover for one of our librarians. I realized I’m not used to it being dark outside while I’m still at work (spooky). Work has been cranking up a bit lately with end-of-semester stuff for the schools and planning for the Summer Reading Club. I’d like to buckle down a bit more at home, get some things cleaned up and other projects finished, but I’ve been heeding the siren song of Diablo II a too much lately. I can’t even imagine what I’d be like if we had an online game. Gotta find a good way to distract myself. Maybe a new LONG book on tape to listen to while working would help. I’ll try to find one.
Garrh, meow!
Get on Board, Matey! Everrrry one is going PIRATE-Y
For Tiernen (and maybe others)
Let me start this off by saying that I’m not practiced at using this forum for compiling and articulating my feelings, but as I’m having a terrible time talking about things, I figured this might be a better mode of expression.
For those who might be coming late to the party, I found out in April that I’m going to be kicked back to my old part time job at the library by the return of Phil. Right after that I went for a week to a conference where I was told by lots of senior librarian types that similar jobs with equivalent pay, responsibility and prestige to the one I am currently, temporarily holding are going to be thick on the ground in Army circles in the next few years, provided I stick with the Army and stay flexible. When I returned after the conference I got the news that Fort Bragg is broke (again), so any changes that may cost us more money (like making me full time) are not welcome.
Basically, this situation is leaving me with a big set of conflicting emotions. I want to be loyal to my library (and I want to see the changes I was able to bring about actually begin to work) and I’m comfortable here. I like the people we’re coming to know and the life we’re making for ourselves. It’s very nice to be recognized and appreciated. However, I am also ambitious for my future. I want to excel in my job and be involved in the important work of my profession. I don’t feel like moving back a step at this point is going to do much to facilitate that. Also, going back to being lower grade and part time is going to be a big financial hardship for us. We had been making excellent progress on reducing our debts and I can see it all fading away.
Also, I feel like I’m betraying Tiernen. He has been very clear about the type of life he wants to live and the type of place he wants to live it in. For me to excel in my work, I can easily see quite a few more years of moving and living in and around big cities. This is pretty much the opposite of what he says he wants to do. Also, there’s the job issue, for him. It’s hard to keep starting over in new places. A lot of my colleagues are single (maybe not too surprising, as librarianship tends to attract a fair number of introverted types) and moving for them merely involves packing up the cats and stuff and setting off. It’s not fair (and that’s a lot of my problem, I WANT things to be fair) to Tiernen to expect him to keep uprooting himself and trying to find a new, passable job in each new place.
And I’m very angry because my plans are all out of whack again. I could almost see the tipping point. We would be able to start getting ahead, maybe even start a family and now it’s either a setback or an upheaval. I feel like I am a big fool for taking a gamble like this and the only person I have to blame is myself because I walked into this with my eyes wide open. I feel stupid and betrayed and disappointed and now I have to suck it up and keep on working here. I’m not so sure I can do that.
I have lots of reasons for wanting to pack it in. I can see conflict with the big boss, because I’m thinking of bailing on her when Phil comes back and she supported me while he was gone. I can definitely see conflicts with Phil, because I think he is wrong to come back after the way he left and I’m going to have a hard time working with him knowing his work and management style. I have a lot of internal conflict about my priorities right now. I want to go on doing a good job, but I’m finding it hard to focus knowing that it’s all pretty transitory. So much depends upon what “might” happen that the uncertainty is very stressful.
I guess that’s it for me right now. TTFN
Back at Home
I’m back, after being gone for a week at the Army Library Training Institute. Did anyone miss me?
The conference was in St. Louis, an interesting town, although I mostly saw the hotel as I was restricted to foot travel due to having no car and conference activities taking up most of the day. I saw the big arch from afar, although not from the air. I’m not super jazzed about flying (especially alone) I know it’s very safe, it just doesn’t FEEL very safe. It feels very shaky and dippy and swervy and droppy. Oh well. Back on the ground and back to work.
Things are a bit unsettled at the moment. I’m planning on getting back into the routine this week and then take stock. I’m going to talk to Brenda the Big Boss about the job here once she’s back in the saddle, sometime in the second week of May. Until then, I’m looking around.
Albie!
Albert Einstein: “The road to perdition has ever been accompanied by lip service to an ideal.”
Goslings!
Saw a mommy and daddy Canada Goose with four fluffy, yellow and brown goslings on the way to work today. Hooray!
Not my picture, but you get the idea.
Sigh
I got the word today, Phil (old boss) is planning to come back in September. That means I take off the Boss Hat (which I don’t mind so much) and go back to being a Part Time Peon (which I do mind). It’s not so much the loss of $$, although that does sting a bit, it’s the sense of going backwards and losing control over a bunch of stuff that has been going pretty well for me lately. That and going back to doing all of MY work and most of the Boss work and having him skate out for a week every month. I could look upon it as an opportunity to coast and let him deal (or not deal) with all of the work and get swamped and etc., but the final upshot of all of that is that the library will suffer and I would have trouble letting that happen.
So, I’m looking around and weighing my options. There may be another opportunity here that will allow me to stay in the area. That would be ideal. If that doesn’t happen, we may be looking for a position somewhere else in the world. I have until September to make up my mind, but it doesn’t seem like long enough right now.
Sparkly Things 